Dear Dave,
I’m 64, and I’ve been dating a 73-year-old man for four years. We’re talking about marriage, and we’ve been discussing finances. He’s retired, but I still work part-time even though I’m in pretty good shape financially. His plan, if we get married, is to give his house and his savings to his children, while we live in my home. We’d still have his small pension, what I bring home and my savings, but I think he should invest at least half of what he has in our marriage and relationship. What do you think?
Betty
Dear Betty,
So, his wealth goes to his kids and you get to feed and take care of him until he dies? In my mind, this is not a good plan.
I think what you’re discovering here is that this guy just doesn’t want to be lonely. It sounds, too, like he’s dipping into your wealth while all his stuff goes to his kids. I’d be a little frustrated with this idea if I were you. And I think the two of you need some premarital and relationship counseling before you take another step forward. Right now, you’re in third place behind his kids and his belongings.
I’m not saying he has to give everything to you, but you guys definitely need to have a serious talk and find a little balance. Right now, he’s clinging to everything in one way or another, and not really offering to take care of you. In my mind, you need to be ready to take a bullet for someone when you want to marry them. And this guy hasn’t shown that he’s ready to put you first.
—Dave
* Dave Ramsey is America’s trusted voice on money and business. He has authored five New York Times best-selling books, including The Total Money Makeover. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 8.5 million listeners each week on more than 550 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.
